On this day, December the 9th 2008, after much procrastination and delay, I have deceded to start a blog. Something Ive been meaning to do for quite some time now, some sort of outlet, weather many people read these ramblings or not, thats not so important to me, this blog and these writings will simply be a place where I write whatevers on my heart and mind.
Today is no normal day, for quite a few people scattered accross the world that have been affected by the tragedy that we refer to as The Shooting. One year ago on this very day, whilst I was in the middle of a discipleship school with YWAM in Colorado, two dear and wonderful friends, Phil and Tiffany were tragically killed in our dorm house when a lone gunman entered our building in the very early hours of the morning and opened fire. I hadn't known Phil and Tiffany for more than three months but it was enough for my life to be affected by theirs, Phil a passionate servant like no other and Tiff, the most loving, joyful and warm person I think have ever known. One year on, and that night seems like yesterday, every second I have relived in my mind over and over again, emotions, anxietys and fears that come flooding back with the slightest prompting. One thing that has not wavered over this last year, through storms and pain, is my heart to follow christ, if anything it has grown stronger and stronger, through the tragedy of the shooting, the pain and the healing that followed and every other up and down, of which there have been many in this last year, my love and commitment to follow Christ, despite circumstances that surround has remained... and on this day through tears and mourning and questions unanswered I can feel that consuming fire within me growing stronger and stronger.
Here I am, in my darkened lonely dorm room, where I have been all day(bar the 10 minutes where I ventured to the outdoors to get a bottle of milk), in the town of Maynooth county Kildare on the island of Ireland, studying for a degree I dont really want or feel I need atall, wondering if I can or even have the desire to complete these three years ahead, three months in and my whole being is itching to get out of here, itching for something more that I still cant put my shakey finger on... Then I am reminded... How blessed am I, I have my family, I have parents and brothers who love and support me, I have the most wonderful friends, home and far away, at the age of 19 I have seen parts of the world that many people four times my age have never and will never see... I dont know why I am where I am, I dont know what, if anything, I should do about it, I dont understand why life is so hard and why we go through some of the things we do. But I know one thing, I am alive, I have breath in my lungs and passion in my heart, christ is within me, I long for christ to flow out of me in all I do, I will live deeply, I will have joy in the midst of pain, I will serve selflessly, I will listen for his voice in the midst of the storm, I will tell of what he has done, with my life, with my actions and with my words. for he loves me, and he sees me, he sees every broken and malfunctional part. And still he loves me, like no other.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfa92NszM28
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVqzdj09bkc
